Before/After
Not to sound completely negative and I’m not saying that there will be no changes made in 2012 and that there is no hope, but for people who have been self harming for years and people who have eating disorders and people who have clinical depression or a eating disorder, a new year is probably already starting off as a failure because we haven’t changed and we know we aren’t gonna. We are going to be taking with us something from the past, a habit that started off small but became an addiction, and we are going to continue it this year also. I would love to say that I’m never gonna cut again but who am I kidding, happiness is only an illusion that will only temporarily last in my life, for a moment, and then reality will hit again. I’m sure there are people out there who are going to make big changes in their life too and quit being so down on themselves but theres also a lot of people who are going to be the same, if not worse. It’s hard to start off fresh when there are scars on our body to keep reminding us of what we think we are worth. I have big changes or accomplishments to look forward to next year but its hard to make it to that one day of happiness when there will be more days where I’m going to not want to live. But I am excited though. I’m a bit hopeful, not going to lie, for more days where I will be too happy to even think about cutting. I’m not used to that feeling but I kinda want to be, even though I know no matter what I’m always going to be a cutter and I know I have to get professional help to think straight and positively. But I’ve held on for so long, I can make it through another year. I think I can. I think we all can.
