Maybe I have been using the phrase “I feel like killing myself” too often around and meaning it less only because I know I can’t convince my body to match my thoughts and physically get my body to do what my mind wants to do to myself.
“If you really want to kill yourself, in your heart, if you truly do, you will do it”
“You can’t be a counselor and try to fix people by telling them to cut themselves to solve their problems”
“Ew, I wouldn’t want to be around such a depressed person like that”
This is the kind of shit that my ears have to suffer through for 45 minutes of a dumb class with dumb ignorant cunts who like to spill all their business out for the whole fucking class to hear. First off, if you have a friend going through a problem like this, respect their privacy and keep your shit to yourself. Second off, do you even realize how you could be triggering others with a topic like this? Nope. Really, if you can’t help someone then just leave them the fuck alone to help themselves. It’s pretty unfair for people to say that some people don’t want to even fix themselves or they just want attention. Ya, that could be one true side of a situation because some people are just fucking crazy but then if a person is still self harming themselves then they probably haven’t found a reason to change even if they wanted to. Maybe a part of wanting to end your life line could have something to do with wanting people aware of how hurt you are but there are some smart people out there who do know that people don’t give a shit what you do to your life, as long as it doesn’t affect them and it becomes less about attention. But really, it takes fucking balls to kill yourself. Do you really want to spend your time contemplating if a person is doing it for attention or if they really mean it? Cuz you would just be pushing someone’s buttons and making it worse. And also, if they don’t end it, maybe they are holding on to a tiny piece of hope because life isn’t so bad as the people in it. Yes suicide threats do become a burden to others and people get tired of having their emotions fucked around and always being scared of losing someone.
I mean, really, I don’t see life as something so purposeful since there are so many people coming and going every second that we live like it’s nothing. False feelings pass through by so many insignificant bitches and our bodies are used so irresponsibly like whore machines to produce another generation of failures and skanks. I really wish that everything I heard from people went through one ear and out the other without any change of feelings in myself. It would make things sooo much easier to care about only the things that you wanted to care for.
I have had my ignorant moments too and really I feel like anything anyone says will never make complete sense or someone is going to get pissed off and that’s why I just prefer to not face these kind of matters and I think that is what everybody else does which is how the meaning of life and death becomes less important until you actually are put in the situation to face the matter yourself. I honestly think that I have hid myself from the truth for a really long time now and living in such a safe environment keeps me feeling safe and away from the actual real craziness there is out there in the world. I just cannot deal with more assholes. Especially since I have had nothing else to do with my life except waste my thoughts alone, I have turned into a big softie always over-thinking and observing and I just am tired of all these close minded people. I just feel like everyone should shut up and mind their own business and I’m fine with acting like problems don’t exist because nobody deals with them anyways.
